I thought I’d break up the recent blog post series to do a recap of my progress since I started this blog and how, ideally, I’d like things to progress into 2015.
I haven’t fully written off 2014 as yet, but there’s less than a month to go and I have to be realistic in acknowledging that Christmas often triggers very bad memories for me. As such, while I don’t want it to be an excuse to not “try” and make progress with my mental health, I have to recognise that it is a significant obstacle and it will drain my mental resources accordingly.
I have a sense that finally I’m starting to crawl back out of the pit that I’ve fallen into these last six months.
I still get days where I feel very distressed, but I have started on a skin care routine which has boosted my self-esteem somewhat and most days I manage to do some housework and get the rubbish cleared in good time.
These sound like very small things but it is often the accumulation of such small things which make a day-to-day difference. It is too early to be anything other than cautiously optimistic but I will allow myself that minor luxury.
- I would like to resume the blog challenges very very soon. Perhaps in a week or so’s time when I have caught up with some of the backlog from my day job. I would be so wonderful to get through that list and see where it takes me instead of focussing all my energies on my OCD and other unhelpful behaviours.
- At some point I would like to meet someone romantically, but this will probably be at a time beyond the completion of the challenges. I am gravely disadvantaged in the dating pool for a number of reasons (part of which is the requirement that a potential partner is very close to me in age and of a quiet, gentle temperament) – I think it’s safe to say that any decent opportunity is much more likely to arise through organic measure rather than putting myself on display in a dating market which rewards only instant appeal. To be honest I think I will consider 2015 the Year of Me and put all concerns about these matters to one side until I have rebuilt my self-esteem and daily functionality.
- I would like to start putting more money aside for long term goals rather than frittering it away on unneeded or harmful purchases. I believe if I save hard enough I will be able to afford my dream cottage and a decent car to drive around in (well – I need to tackle the driving OCD at some point but I will try).
- I’d like to draw a line under the past events in my life (and this doesn’t necessarily mean I have to forgive anyone – apart from me) and try to look forward to the future. This is easier said than done but it must happen.
What I want most for 2015 is the ability to look in the mirror and feel glad that yet again I see me.